Episode Parodies
by KingCobra582
Summary: After the success of my gargoyles outtakes, I am bringing my episode parodies here, to be read and laughed at by my loving fans. Please R and R! *chapter 3 up* *violence, swearing*
1. Hunter's Moon

Episode Parodies, Chapter 1: Hunter's Moon  
By Jake Denton (kingcobra49036@yahoo.com)  
  
Author's Note: This is a fan requested fic. It parodies, as you can tell, the "Hunter's Moon" trilogy.  
  
Warning: Swearing, adult themes. Not entirely appropriate for Children.  
  
994 A.D.  
  
Some Farm in Scotland  
  
SCRAPE!   
  
Gillecomgain looked up. There was something in the barn, something unknown. Maybe it was a wild animal. Maybe not. Either way, it had no business in his father's barn. The youth settled the pail of water he was carrying on the ground, and snatched the pitchfork, holding the prongs facing the stalls of the horses. "Who's there?'  
  
SCRAPE!  
  
There was that noise again. Gillecomgain looked at the curtained stall behind him and moved toward it. There was definitely something hiding back there. Determined to find out what it was, Gillecomgain pulled the curtain back. For a few seconds, nothing happened, then--  
  
The young boy got knocked onto his butt as the sexy line of Vegas showgirls danced their way out of the barn, legs kicking , smiles plastered on their faces. Gillecomgain watched them go, and smiled like the idiot that he was.  
  
Suddenly, Demona lunged at him and spit in his face before flying off with the food in her hand. Gillecomgain wiped the spit off and started crying. "Ahh, me face! Ow! Ow! Ow! That smarts!" Demona snarled. "That'll teach you humans to go out by yourselves into a dark barn." Gillecomgain watched her fly off and his father rushed into the doorway. "I thought I told you to fetch some milk, boy. Then stand on your head and spin around." "Aye, father, but this demon jumped me. She shall pay. They shall all pay." He pulled on a hood that came out of nowhere. "and not with Visa or Mastercard either."  
  
************  
  
1995 A.D.  
  
Manhattan, New Jersey... I mean, New York.  
  
The woman trembled as she backed against the walls of the alley, the three hoodlums sneering at her. "You got some change lady? I'm trying to put myself through Medical school." The doctor that was walking by heard what the man said and muttered "Rubbish!" before going on his merry way. "What do you want?" the victim trembled. "A first date will do," One cronie smirked sarcastically. "Uh...I'll give you my sister's phone number!" The woman babbled. "She's a porker, but she has a great personality!"  
  
"Perfect," the scum snickered. "I always wanted to screw a fat chick." The woman ran for dear life and the gang just let her go, focusing on Margot Yale and her husband approaching. Cornering the pair, the chrome brains replied tauntingly, "Folks, we're collectin' for a worthy cause. The "Put Gargoyles Back On TV" union." Margot glared at her husband, bossy and bitchy as always. "Great idea, Brendan. Walk down an abandoned New York street unarmed!"  
  
"Don't start with me, Margot.'  
  
"Why don't we go out at broad daylight and get mugged, Brendan?" The district attorney pushed in a haughty manner. "Margot..." her husband warned. "I have an idea! Let's find a gang sitting around take out our money and nice personals! You can give him your Rolex watch!" "That's it!" Brendan lost control and swung his fist, catching Margot in the jaw and knocking his bitchy wife unconscious. "I've put up with your whining for too fucking long, bitch." He walked away, and the gang watched him in astonishment before looking at Margot lying on the pavement.  
  
"Cool! It's time for a little gang rape!"  
  
They began tearing at her clothes.  
  
************  
  
Watching from above, Brooklyn and Lexington had been about to fly in and save the mugging victims when they saw the Yales and decided to fly home instead.  
  
************  
  
As they got back, the sun was just rising. "Take your places," Goliath ordered. "Where do we take it?" Lexington asked. "Don't be a wiseass," Goliath commanded. Lexington stuck his tongue out at him behind his back. B-B-B-B-B-B-R-R-R-R-RRUUUUPPPP!   
Goliath spun quickly as Lexington buried his tongue back in his mouth and whistled innocently.   
  
"This day is great," Broadway sighed. "Only one thing could make it perfect."   
  
"Breakfast?" Brooklyn guessed. Broadway looked at him like he was crazy. "No... The Harem girls!" Broadway answered, pointing at the Vegas showgirls dancing through the clock tower's interior.   
  
"Screw sleeping! " Brooklyn gasped in pure pleasure. "I'm grabbing some ass!"   
  
Unfortunately, the sun rose just as Brooklyn's talons stretched toward a girl's breasts so he couldn't grab it. Typical rotten luck for him.   
  
That night, when they were awakened, Goliath flew off to see Elisa and the others stayed behind. Landing on the policewoman's balcony, Goliath looked in and saw Elisa kissing some guy. She broke away. "I'm sorry. But I can't do this." The man, Jason Canmore, nodded. "Why? Is it because there's someone else?"  
  
Elisa looked at him sharply. "No... it's because of..." Elisa's words were interrupted by the Vegas showgirls that came dancing from out of nowhere.   
  
"Okay, this is just too much about these showgirls in this fic," Elisa replied before whipping her gun out and shooting them all down. Jason applauded. "Good job!" Goliath flew off rejected and unseen by either Canmore or Elisa.  
  
************  
  
Later that night, the Gargoyles hid as the Hunters, descended from Gillecomgain, blew up the Clock Tower, and flew into the hallowed shell. Goliath ripped the hood off the leader, revealing Jason. "Isn't this a pleasant surprise?" Brooklyn remarked.   
  
"We're gonna kill you all!" Jason snarled. "No, you won't!" Goliath boomed as he tossed the hunter off the roof. Unfortunately, Elisa got in the way and fell herself.   
  
Goliath saved her, however, and after the other two Canmores were arrested, Elisa looked at Goliath. "You know how I feel about your father's uncle's girlfriend's younger brother's cousin, right?"   
  
Goliath looked confused.   
  
"Uh... not really."  
  
"Good," Elisa replied, kissing him.  
  
Unfortunately, the sun came up while she was in his arms, and she was entrapped in his stone grip, unable to pull her lips away from Goliath's. Unable to speak, Elisa could only mumble.  
  
"Ah, crap."  
  
The End.  
  
Any comments? Do you like this story? Hate it? Pee on it and flush it down the toilet? Do whatever you want. All replies, outside of the reviews at www.fanfiction.net, should go to the e-mail of the author. Kingcobra49036@yahoo.com  
  
Coming Soon: A parody of "The Mirror". 


	2. The Mirror

The Mirror  
By King Cobra3 (kingcobra49036@yahoo.com)  
Author's Note: A parody of the episode "The Mirror". This is a fan request made weeks ago. I meant to write it sooner, but I've been busy lately and haven't had time. Well, here it is now. The characters of "Marv" and "Harry" are the property of Fox Corporation.  
Warning: I didn't find much in the episode that could be parodied, so this is shorter then my last episode parody, making fun of the main plot points rather then the minor details themselves.  
Late one night, at the center of the museum wing, a brazen-haired woman dressed in security guard clothing was admiring her reflection in the mirror. She admired her looks and this amazing piece of antique glass was admonishing her true beauty. "Mirror, Mirror," Elisa cooed. "Who's the fairest one of them all?"  
Suddenly a bluish face appeared in the dark clear reflection and sneered at her. Elisa gasped in amazement and flinched backwards a step. Was this really happening or was she just dreaming it? Either way, the face looked at her indignantly and answered. "Not you, ugly cow, but another. A female not of your species." Elisa gazed at the sight of Demona in the mirror surface and fainted dead away.   
Approximately ten seconds later, a fat stocky face peered into the room and whispered behind him. "There it is. Let's get it." The stocky man and his scrawny partner tip-toed it quietly to the mirror. Unfortunately, the scrawny man tripped over the velvet rope of a display case and stumbling backwards, landed on a glass display and crashing it to the ground. "Ssssh! Quiet, moron!" The fat man growled. "Okay, Harry," the string bean murmured and stumbled against an armored statue and making a loud racket of metal and swords hitting the floor. It was loud enough to wake the dead.  
Harry covered his ears. The guard was going to bust them now. Surely he must've heard all the noise. Marv was an idiot. His stupidity had gotten them caught first in at the McCallister house in Chicago, and now here in New York. Him and his "Wet Bandits"" thing. Jeez. He'd probably gotten them caught here too. Harry was in no mood to go back to jail. He'd just gotten out two days ago, and being sent back to prison was the last thing the stubby crook needed.  
At least the guard hadn't heard the noise. Harry watched, submerged in shadows, as the nightly patrolman went on his merry way whistling. "How did he not hear that?" Harry wondered. The entire island of Manhattan had probably heard it! Then Marv sneezed, a low sneeze not loud enough to draw attention. It got the guard's though. "Who's there?"  
"Damn! Grab the mirror and split!"   
They did so, stashing the fragile glass object into the back of their van and squealing off into the night. Five minutes later, they had dropped the mirror off at a spooky mansion in the back roads of the city. There were no meetings. No way to see whom their boss was, for she never even opened the door, sliding their money out the mail slot. "Take the cash and go." A female voice intoned from somewhere inside. "But-" Harry started to say before laser fire pierced the air, sending the two into a frantic run towards the van. "Go, go, go!"  
They pulled away. Demona watched unsmiling from the front window of the house, then glanced at the clock. "Fuck! I'm missing Saturday Night Live!" The flame-topped gargress flipped on the TV and laughed as she reclined on her couch.  
Suddenly, a white-haired being popped out of the television. Demona screamed in terror and used her couch as a shield. "Okay, uh...I gave to the Salvation Army foundation at work, I haven't hurt humans...much, and I have been keeping my new Years resolution to treat others with more kindness then I usually do." She pulled the curtain back. "Look!"  
The being looked at the disfigures man with both arms broken and resting in a wheelchair being pushed down the sidewalk, then frowned. "My dear, I'm not here to kill you, but to help you." "Help me how?" "I can make any wishes come true." Puck answered. Demona looked around and tried not to laugh. "What, you're Aladdin's Lamp or something?" She considered. "I have one wish. Make the gargoyles human!"  
Suddenly, Demona looked up as her door was kicked in and a bunch of angry, loincloth wearing former-gargoyle-turned-humans seized her. "Change us back NOW," the human who was once Brooklyn snarled. "As you wish." Puck answered and turned them all back to their original forms. Goliath looked at his clan. "Things are back to normal. We are Gargoyles once more."  
Everyone cheered except for Demona and Puck. "Yay!"   
Suddenly Elisa burst in. But she was not human. "Goliath, I'm a gargoyle!" Goliath looked at her solemnly. "Do you realize what this means?" he asked her. Elisa shrugged instinctively. "What? That you're going to have me changed back?"  
"No...that we're gonna have hot Gargoyle sex in the ol' clock tower tonight!"  
Elisa laughed. Goliath smiled excitedly. "For the first time in a millenium, I'm finally going to get some tail!" Elisa pushed her arm through Goliath's. (That must've hurt. LOL) "Let's go."  
"But what about the other humans who were turned into Gargoyles?" Lexington asked. Goliath glared at him. "Ah, what the hell. It doesn't hurt us. Let them stay that way. Ciao, Demona! Puck, baby, let's do lunch!"  
The Gargoyles, Puck, and Elisa all left together. Demona watched them go, then sat back down on her sofa and flipped the TV back on. It was about time those wretched creatures and that miserable human went away. Now for some rest and relaxation. This was nice.  
"Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!"  
The End.  
King Cobra3.   
COMING SOON: The Lost Episodes 


	3. The Lost Episodes

The Lost Episodes  
By King Cobra3 (kingcobra49036@yahoo.com)  
  
Author's Note: These were not (as far as I know) actual lost episodes from the show. These are just something I made up for a cheap laugh. I hope you enjoy them, but it really doesn't matter if you don't.  
  
1. In "Stranded", which is set in the Avalon journey, Goliath, Elisa, and Angela, with Bronx, find themselves in the middle of the Bermuda triangle and get sucked up by a UFO. Who kidnapped them? Three words: "E.T. Phone home."  
  
2. In "Angry Judgment" the gargoyle clones watch Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of The Clones, and get insulted. Then they decide to attack George Lucas and make an ugly clone out of him to get even.   
  
3. "Decrepit" finds Hudson realizing he's getting old and going out to cruise for young Gargoyle babes in the streets of Manhattan. He finally gets hooked up with a human woman who's even uglier than he is. "Lads, Linda Tripp and I will be back in a wee hour..."  
  
4. Goliath and Elisa move past their dopey sappy affection for each other and move on to the naughty stuff, gaining public eyes and costing Elisa her job in "No More Doubts". WARNING: This "episode" is VERY kinky!  
  
5. In "Panicked" Broadway inadvertently causes a New York City earthquake after  
eating some burritos and coming down with a case of the belches.  
  
6. Lexington, while at the point of "No Escape" from his anxieties brought on by  
caring for Alex and having no mate, decides to do the honorable thing. The thing  
that only deeply depressed people can do. He goes out, gets drunk, and finds out  
nine months later that a human woman who was at the bar that night gave birth to a gargoyle baby!  
  
7. Goliath is poisoned with laughing gas and spends the half-hour losing some of  
that almost-constipated lack of expression in "Changes"  
  
8. Demona watches Jerry Springer and realizes that people will be the destruction of themselves eventually. So she retires in "Objectives"  
  
9. Brooklyn, tired of being a mere second in command, blows Goliath's head off with a gun, then figures what the hell and kills Elisa and Angela as well in  
"Annoyance".  
  
Weird as hell, but give me a break and mail me your opinions people!  
"Kingcobra49036@yahoo.com"  
  
King Cobra3. 


End file.
